Why do I feel so helpless?

Submitted by admin on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 15:52
in
helpless.jpg
Question: 

I got divorced last year on September 11. I have two lively little boys and live with my parents, who support me immensely. I suffered severe financial loss. I feel angry, betrayed, and deeply hurt. My ex has already moved on with his life and in with his new guinea-pig. I devote my life to teaching my boys the values of God and providing them with stability. Why do I feel so helpless, useless, alone, and even recalcitrant towards God? I know that He is in control, that His time isn’t mine, and that He will send me someone suited to me. Still, I sometimes feel that I am not quite under control emotionally. I want to become whole again, and not repeat the same mistakes.

Answer: 

You are still lying among the emotional debris of your own 9/11. You can’t rebuild the tower you once were before the rubble has been removed.

Your realisation and experience of this is intuitive, since you place your paralysing anger, pain, and humiliation in direct opposition to your husband moving on with his life.

These emotions you are experiencing are the very things making you feel so listless and useless.
Your bitterness makes so much sense in the light of the way in which you arrived at this unpleasant and dependent place in your life.

Your efforts with your boys are admirable, but it can’t fulfil your own needs for a life partner, a meaningful life, and an intimate connection with God.

In order to start living, you have to get rid of everything that has died inside of you.
It is imperative that you seek therapy. Your first priority is to be able to consciously address and put into words the betrayal and injustice you have suffered.

Once you have done this, you can embark on the journey of forgiveness that will liberate you.
Only then will you be able to sensibly meditate on what went wrong in your marriage; this process will bring healing and growth.

The Lord knows that you will probably choose wrong while you are still in so much pain.
The partner God chooses for you will only be able to make his appearance once you have outgrown the unconscious needs that attracted you to your previous partner.

If this does not happen, you will make the same mistakes you did in your first marriage.

Buy yourself a copy of Keeping the Love You Find by Harvelle Hendrix, and read it in preparation for therapy.

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