The spaces that surround us
The first article’s primary focus was aimed at giving birth to a growing awareness of the relational space between us and our partners, friends, family members and/or colleagues. One very important notion to remember is the sacredness of that ‘space between’.
Our biggest challenges lie embedded in honoring and nurturing the space; continually reassessing its safety and quality; finding ways to improve intimacy and safety in the relationship; and defining possible contaminating aspects that might gradually lead to an unsafe space.
In the months to come I would like to spend more time reflecting on these challenges, as well as looking at different ways of bettering the current status and safety of the relational spaces you move in every day.
Allow me the time to consider one simple technique today that may add to the quality, or potentially even change the climate of the space between you and a loved one. The technique involves the physical space surrounding us, our immediate environment, and how it influences the way (and the quality) in which we connect with each other.
We spent the past week hiking through the Tsitsikamma mountains. It was especially during this trip that I became intensely aware of what the physical space we occupy can do to the relational space between us and the other. The removal from familiarity (our home environment, our work environment) and ritualistic patterns (getting home from work, preparing dinner, attending to children) encourages an immediate heightened awareness of our internal world, which in turn often leads to focusing our psychological gaze upon our significant other(s) and the relationships we have. This sudden change of physical space enhances our self-reflecting capacity, and, because of the fact that we are relational beings, by looking inward we almost always find the face(s) of the other(s) we love amongst our own personal struggles with life. It is through this self-reflection, enabled by a new external space, that we come to see ourselves, our partners and the relationship through a new pair of lenses. This new space that surrounds us eliminates some of the day-to-day dialogues (internal or interpersonal) necessitated by domestic life, i.e “I have to phone my sister”…”did you remember to buy bread?”…”what time is your meeting tomorrow?” and bring forth the potential of transcending it to “where is our relationship at?”…”where am I at?”…”where are you at?”. Of course, these dialogues still require effort in the most remote and foreign of spaces, but I am most confident that it happens easier and perhaps with more spontaneity than in the “comfort of our homes” where we are often inhibited by the status quo of everyday life. Maybe this is where the saying, “a change is as good as a holiday” needs an alteration for clarifying purposes: a holiday is as good as its change!
May you venture into new surrounding spaces this festive season and New Year. May the change in surrounding spaces infiltrate the space between you and your loved ones, and transcend it to new relational arenas, open for exploration and growth.
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